"Only Child" Becomes "Sister"
Life has certainly been interesting these last 6 weeks. We brought Baby E home after a thankfully uneventful delivery and two day hospital stay. M was thrilled to have the baby from Mommy's belly here after such a long wait. Then we settled in, and things got real.
M slowly began to realize the true weight of having her brother here. She was suddenly deprived of so much of the attention she once had, and it was given to this new tiny person who couldn't even talk. Sure, her grandparents were here most of the time in those beginning days, but eventually it became obvious that they were only here to keep her distracted from Mommy and Daddy paying so much attention to E.
The defiant behaviors slowly progressed into full-on tantrums over everything - including when she got what she asked for without hesitation. Whining about every comment, question, and explanation, every minute of the day. Growling out of anger. Something had to be done.
I'm not sure why it took us so long to see how everything was affecting our baby girl. In the grand scheme of things it wasn't all that long, but as a mother, it might as well have been forever, and I feel guilty that I didn't do more to prepare us all. But really - what could I have done? Nothing can truly prepare a child for sharing her parents.
Over the last week or two, though, I've seen a slow but sure improvement. I've made conscious efforts to pay attention to her and praise her when she does something well. Instead of (as embarrassing as it is to admit) yelling and getting angry when she lashes out, even over something silly, I try to get quiet and calm to help show her how to control the way she expresses herself. I ask her to help with the baby and emphasize what a fantastic job she's done. I've actually given her less control over her everyday activities (i.e., no, you can't pick your lunch from anything in the kitchen, but you can pick from these two things).
I've done my best to keep her bedtime "our" time. When someone is available to watch E for me, bedtime is a patient, chatty event. When it's just the three of us in the house, it's admittedly a little more rushed (and sometimes quite noisy), but we still sit together in her rocking chair for a while as she goes to sleep. Even if E needs to nurse, she wants me to bring him with us and stay in that chair. I'm realizing as I type this that these moments are more special to her than I knew. She values and looks forward to our "snuggle time" just as much as I do, because no matter how independent she may be, and no matter how squished we are sitting in that chair with little baby feet hanging in her lap, it's the one time of the day that she knows I am right there with her. I sit there for her, and only her.
Despite our stressful moments, I can feel myself pulling in the reins and bringing us back to the status quo. I hope this means she's starting to see E as a welcome addition to our family rather than an intruder. We decided to have them as close together as we did because we want to give them every chance to have a lifelong friend in each other. I can only hope I'm fostering that bond between them.
It's been tough so far, but who ever said having two aged two and under would be easy? M is an amazing person and a sweet, loving, caring, intelligent, creative, imaginative little girl. She's enthralled with her little brother and I can already see her teaching him all she knows. I hope one day she will understand that her dad and I somehow love her even more than we did before when we watch her kiss and coo at E and tell him "it's OK" when he cries. She is honestly the sweetest person I've ever met. I hope she keeps that sweetness. I hope she continues to love her brother. I hope he loves her back.
I hope for so many good things for them. One thing I know for sure, though: I may not have it all together, but my kids are amazing little miracles. <3
xoxo Christi Lee
M slowly began to realize the true weight of having her brother here. She was suddenly deprived of so much of the attention she once had, and it was given to this new tiny person who couldn't even talk. Sure, her grandparents were here most of the time in those beginning days, but eventually it became obvious that they were only here to keep her distracted from Mommy and Daddy paying so much attention to E.
The defiant behaviors slowly progressed into full-on tantrums over everything - including when she got what she asked for without hesitation. Whining about every comment, question, and explanation, every minute of the day. Growling out of anger. Something had to be done.
I'm not sure why it took us so long to see how everything was affecting our baby girl. In the grand scheme of things it wasn't all that long, but as a mother, it might as well have been forever, and I feel guilty that I didn't do more to prepare us all. But really - what could I have done? Nothing can truly prepare a child for sharing her parents.
Over the last week or two, though, I've seen a slow but sure improvement. I've made conscious efforts to pay attention to her and praise her when she does something well. Instead of (as embarrassing as it is to admit) yelling and getting angry when she lashes out, even over something silly, I try to get quiet and calm to help show her how to control the way she expresses herself. I ask her to help with the baby and emphasize what a fantastic job she's done. I've actually given her less control over her everyday activities (i.e., no, you can't pick your lunch from anything in the kitchen, but you can pick from these two things).
I've done my best to keep her bedtime "our" time. When someone is available to watch E for me, bedtime is a patient, chatty event. When it's just the three of us in the house, it's admittedly a little more rushed (and sometimes quite noisy), but we still sit together in her rocking chair for a while as she goes to sleep. Even if E needs to nurse, she wants me to bring him with us and stay in that chair. I'm realizing as I type this that these moments are more special to her than I knew. She values and looks forward to our "snuggle time" just as much as I do, because no matter how independent she may be, and no matter how squished we are sitting in that chair with little baby feet hanging in her lap, it's the one time of the day that she knows I am right there with her. I sit there for her, and only her.
Despite our stressful moments, I can feel myself pulling in the reins and bringing us back to the status quo. I hope this means she's starting to see E as a welcome addition to our family rather than an intruder. We decided to have them as close together as we did because we want to give them every chance to have a lifelong friend in each other. I can only hope I'm fostering that bond between them.
It's been tough so far, but who ever said having two aged two and under would be easy? M is an amazing person and a sweet, loving, caring, intelligent, creative, imaginative little girl. She's enthralled with her little brother and I can already see her teaching him all she knows. I hope one day she will understand that her dad and I somehow love her even more than we did before when we watch her kiss and coo at E and tell him "it's OK" when he cries. She is honestly the sweetest person I've ever met. I hope she keeps that sweetness. I hope she continues to love her brother. I hope he loves her back.
I hope for so many good things for them. One thing I know for sure, though: I may not have it all together, but my kids are amazing little miracles. <3
xoxo Christi Lee
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